feb.6 wrote to Felix saying. I must not try to sign on again in Raf as in 12 years I should be too old to be efficient. The wrench is this; I shall feel like a lost dog when I leave - or when it leaves me rather, for the Raf goes on. The strange attraction in the feel of the clothes, the work, the companionship. A direct touch with men, obtained no other way in my life.